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one day more foreverI dream of the day, when I no longer have to sleep in fear,
the day where I can say and mean, "no, and if you do, I'll tell Jason"
the days where if something bad happens, I can run to him and cry,
the days where he needs me, I can comfort him,
the day where I can see him everyday,
but it may never come,
because its too far away
Bitter sweey realityI live in her shadow every day,
though we are almost the same,
she is better,
People look up to her,
see her as smart, intelligent,
everything I am not,
I am invisible to the world when I am very visible to the hate, I stand alone where no one can see me, yet when I crave for invisablity I am most visible, loved by some hated by most, I stand alone amoung many people. who am I.
I am nothing
UntitledI love the way you make my laugh,
I love the way you hold my hand,
how your fingers fit perfectly between mine,
as if they were both hand crafed by a master crafts man.
I love how worried you get,
about the most stupid of things,
even though I know,
it means so much to you.
I love the way you smile,
you don't care,
not when I'm around.
I love the way you love me,
for all the madness,
for all the crazy.
1the way to my heart is not the way to my head,
they both lead different lives.
eager to love,
but if you want the way to my heart,
you need to go through my head.
J. 2.0Day by day I star at my screen,
waiting for you speak,
waiting for those 2 letters
so I cry,
I get drunk,
and go around with other boys,
because now that you don't talk to me,
I feel so empty and alone.
Great Fire of RomeCertain boys used to press their fingertips into my skin
as if they were cigarette butts and I was an ashtray.
They stamped out leftover guilt that wouldn’t burn away,
grounded it into my skin so that when it rained,
I could smell smoke and their brands of cologne.
There are burn marks on the insides of my palms
from all the times they held my hands with bonfires between theirs.
The scars on the inside of my mouth taste like copper and woodsmoke
from where they left their candles
as if I was a faulty altar.
They picked flowers from every garden my body
grew and left them at the feet of some makeshift effigy
as if they had given me a gift.
They burned me to the ground like Rome and dared to call my ashes beautiful ruins.
I have let people ruin me.
Then I found a boy who set my ribcage on fire
and illuminated my lungs with every breath.
His fingertips were fireflies
and my body was a warm summer night.
The lanterns on his lips lit up every corner of my being until my body c
1901, SomewhereI am tired of opening my eyes and immediately wanting to empty myself out. I am less like a garden hose, a vessel of water pouring itself onto death, these days and more like a watering can. I have to be filled up first. I have to be tipped head first, hands over knees, before I can give up. I run out, often.
And I know what they will say. It is not beautiful, in any way. The priests at my old church call it praying but I feel more and more like the mantis these days. Preying. I keep trying to climb trees that are dead in the hopes I will be the one who finds the one live branch. I am trying to find the one inch of live wick in my own self too. I keep cutting and cutting but I never find the green.
It’s all black in here, you know. I am less the color of obsidian and more coal, more the color of gray darkness. I am ___. I cannot even manage to exist bleakly enough to be called night, to be called eyes closed forever, to be called keyboard keys when no one is touching them. I am t
Inner StrengthYou feel it again
That burning in your breast
When you want to speak up
You know who you are
And you know the rest
But instead you hold back
Clutching to your sacred words like a cross
Don’t let it get lost inside you
Don’t let yourself go unheard
Like all those defining moments
You let fall through your fingers
You could have said something
But you chose to caress
The thought of another hanging on a moment
Passive aggressively taking control
Of a truth or opinion that is yours alone
Close your eyes and count to ten
This is one of those moments
When your life will never be the same
You can start again
And relieve your pain
If you would just speak up
You have the power to change your path
You can find the courage
To not hold back
It all starts with you
What do you have to lose?
1:40amthe empty-belly night sky rumbles
Lana aches in my ears
the curtains curl around lightning-flash
my fingers smell like smoke
and I try to sweep you out of my untidy head
but you linger in the corners still
like you always do.
life is the looming monster we never look straight in the face
afraid of its shadow.
I want to wrap my arms around you
I want you to be the future I am so afraid of
I wrapped my past around my fingers so tight
it cut off the circulation
i want to cut all the threads of my never-let-go
and let my truth stand as unaplogetically
as the scars I've let heal
I am learning how to never adjust my views for your approval
my skin is not an apology
this is not an invitation to walk over me
learning yourself is like learning a city
it is continually changing
growing out and shifting under
like our fingernails
or the sunset.
SomeoneShattered wide - a ragged tear,
One the soul cannot bear.
Crumbling mask - a gentle lie,
Hides a face that begs to cry.
Hoped not - a prayer unspoken,
Too many promises broken.
Nothing flies - a crow or dove,
Grounded by voids of love.
Sole survivor - a grain of sand,
Heir to a great drowned land.
Last breath - a man overdue,
Missing happiness he never knew.
Gnarled stump - a failed dream,
Only witness it would seem.
Wilting yet - a confession said,
And blades and rope dress in red.
Delightful Dreams“If you could do anything now, what would you do?”
After hearing these words I gave it a moment or two
And found that swimming in my mind was not the will to be kind,
Was not to end poverty or make a world so divine,
But instead to meet old friend, sister and brother
And let ourselves lose within the presence of another.
For none to control our talks
Or to mandate our attire.
For us to sneak out at night
And set a rebel flag on fire.
Perhaps just too freely talk
Or meet the friends I have yet to.
Oh yes! Simply to slowly walk
Amidst an urban ocean side view!
Perhaps Washington where I once shed tears!
I’ll walk the starlit streets with a date
Whose name I won’t remember in years!
Arm in arm,
Up and down stone steps and sidewalk paths,
Gazing over the shimmering waters,
Surrounded by brilliant architecture at last!
But though I desired to reveal these thoughts
In the presence of the asker, I knew I should not
For it is a sin to dream of such selfish t
PillsThey gave me those pills
They said they would make me happy
All I had to do was take those pills.
But they didn't make me happy.
Are you here to make me happy?
Do you have those pills?
Please tell me.
Are you going to give me those pills?
The ones that make me happy?
Am I going to be happy?
I don't understand.
Why am I not happy?
You gave me the pills
And said I would be happy.
But I'm not happy.
Please tell me why.
I'm not supposed to ask?
I didn't mean that!
Now I know why.
Why I am not happy.
Why the pills don't make me happy.
Pills don't affect the dead.
Still In LoveI am in love with you.
I am in love with the way you tear up when I say something right.
I'm in love with the way that even when you have no idea what you want to do, you still seem like you know exactly what you're doing.
I'm in love with the way I've made you feel like you're worth something.
You're worth everything to me.
I'm in love with the way you seem so confident even though you're not.
I'm in love with how you steal my breath and make me wish our moments could last forever.
I'm in love with the way you stay true to yourself no matter what people say.
You crushed my heart but I still love you with every tiny broken piece of it.
I'm still in love with the first time I saw you in a dress.
I'm still in love with how soft and nervous your voice was the first time I heard it.
I'm still in love with the way you say that you love me.
I'm still in love with those truths that were told between the lies.
I'm still in love with the flaws you think you have.
I'm still in love with you.
Thigh GapHi! My name is Aneshia,
and I am clinically underweight.
Please please, no pictures.
Yes, I do eat food,
I have eaten a double double cheeseburger,
and no, I don't "need" another one.
Hi! My name is Aneshia,
and I am clinically underweight.
Out every person I've gotten close to,
about 90% have taken my wrists
into their hands
and remarked rather loudly
that I am extremely tiny.
I have also had the same amount of people
wrap their arm around my waist
and call me a "stick".
God forbid I'm called "human".
Hi! My name is Aneshia,
and I am clinically underweight.
And I'm sorry if I seem a little
it's just that
is something that people bring up so often
that I can't seem to forget about it,
so I just thought
I'd might as well
bring it up for you.
That way, you can conserve energy,
and I don't have to be severely annoyed.
I'm sorry if I'm being a little brash.
I understand that many of you are probably
"how ungrateful can this girl be?"
Well, I am sorry.
a dangerous hallucinationThe light coming through the window was bright,
much too bright.
Even though my eyes were closed
I could see it-
The skin of my arms prickled,
sweat dripped from my brow.
It was two in the afternoon but…
the sun was setting
through the window facing east.
I should have seen the hutch,
shelves lined with bone china
decorated with delicate leaves and vines.
I was so thirsty
and reaching for cups that should have been there.
Instead I found a billboard of butterflies,
the colors raging
more than any rainbow
I'd ever seen.
Their wings fluttered and flashed
yet somehow they moved in slow motion.
I wanted to stand,
wanted to reach out and touch them but…
I couldn't move,
and yet I laughed
ignoring my dry mouth
and the tingling in my feet.
There was a tempest
on the rise
and in my blood.
A sugar rush disguised
as a riot of butterflies
and they were swarming me.
There was a small vial
of insulin in my pocket
that I nev
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More